Voice of Hope by Marlene

Forgiveness as Freedom: Releasing What Holds You Back

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened; it’s about freeing your soul to live in God’s peace.

Scripture Reading

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
— Matthew 6:14–15 (NIV)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
— Ephesians 4:31–32 (NIV)

These verses remind us that forgiveness isn’t about excusing what someone said or did; it’s about freeing your soul. When we forgive, we release the heavy chains that keep us tied to our pain. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was right; it means you are choosing not to let it control your life any longer.

Introspection

In the past, I’ve written about the importance of forgiving ourselves.

In my article, Forgiving Ourselves: Embracing Who We Are Today, I shared that forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending something didn’t matter. It means releasing the need to keep punishing yourself for something you can’t change.

And in Forgiving Ourselves: Walking in God’s Grace, I remind readers that once you’ve repented and asked God for forgiveness, He has already washed you clean. The Creator of the universe has forgiven you, so why hold yourself hostage any longer?

In my book, Transformation: Metamorphosis of the Soul – Finding Christ’s Love and Faith, I share a personal story of being deeply hurt by someone’s words. What they said pierced my heart and stayed with me for months. I relived their words daily, morning to night, allowing them to define how I saw myself. I became trapped in bitterness and sorrow, replaying the moment over and over until it consumed my peace.

Then one day, God intervened. Through an unexpected turn of events, He brought truth to light. The lies spoken about me were exposed, not by my hand, but through His divine orchestration. Even though I never received an apology, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. In that moment, God whispered to my heart, “Forgive.”

When I did, the weight lifted. My tears dried. My spirit felt free.

That’s what God’s forgiveness does for us, too. No matter how far we’ve fallen or how deeply we’ve been wounded, when we turn to Him and ask for forgiveness, He cleanses and restores us. His love refreshes us, healing the places that once felt broken beyond repair.

Forgiveness is freedom. When you forgive, you make space for peace, joy, and new beginnings to flourish in your life.

Application

Take a quiet moment today to write down one hurt you’re ready to hand over to God. Pray over it, surrender it fully, and let Him heal your heart.

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for showing me the beauty and freedom that come through forgiveness. I release every hurt, every betrayal, and every wound that has weighed me down. Help me to forgive as You have forgiven me, with grace, compassion, and love. Teach me to trust in Your justice and to find peace in Your promises. Heal the broken places in my heart and fill me with the joy that only Your Spirit can bring. Today, I choose to walk in freedom. In Jesus’ holy name, Amen.

Perspective: The Glass, the Case, and the Lesson We Forgot

Perspective. That’s what frames our opinions − whether we lean toward optimism or pessimism, whether we agree or disagree on an issue. Our experiences shape our viewpoints

Scripture Reading
“Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”
— John 7:24 (NKJV)

I attended an event where the speaker projected a simple image onto the screen: a glass of water. Then came the familiar question: “Is the glass half full or half empty?”

Naturally, the audience was divided. Some saw the glass as half full, while others saw it as half empty.

It was a sales motivation conference, and the question was designed to reveal whether we tend to think positively or negatively. I answered, “Half full.” But then I realized something deeper: The question itself is rhetorical. The real answer depends on one key factor: your personal experience with the glass.

Think about it.
If the glass was empty when you first saw it and you poured in water halfway, you’d likely say it’s half full. But if the glass was once full and you poured out half the water, you’d probably say it’s half empty.

Perspective. That’s what frames our opinions − whether we lean toward optimism or pessimism, whether we agree or disagree on an issue. Our experiences shape our viewpoints.

It reminds me of something from debate class. Remember how we learned that every argument has two sides? Later, when I began studying law, my instructor made that lesson come alive. On the very first day, he divided the class into two groups − one to represent the plaintiff and the other, the defendant. We presented our cases and received our grades.

Then came the twist: He switched our roles. The plaintiff’s team now had to argue for the defense, and the defense had to represent the plaintiff. Our success depended on how well we could understand and defend a position we once opposed.

That exercise taught me one of the most valuable lessons of all: truth and understanding often live somewhere between both sides.
(As a side note, I didn’t finish law school − family obligations took precedence − but I still hold deep respect for that noble profession.)

What I want to convey today is this: Before judging others for seeing things differently, pause to consider their perspective. Life shapes each of us uniquely. The person beside you may have walked a path that led them to see the same “glass” in a completely different way.

We learned this lesson back in high school debate class, so how did we grow up and forget it?

Application

Before reacting to someone whose opinion differs from yours, take a moment to ask yourself, What might their experience have been? When we take time to understand the perspective behind a person’s belief, we often find empathy and even wisdom that we might have otherwise missed.

Reflection Question

When was the last time you took a moment to see a situation from someone else’s point of view? How might doing so change the way you respond?

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the reminder that perspective shapes how we see the world and one another. Teach me to listen with compassion and to respond with grace when opinions differ. Help me to remember that understanding begins where judgment ends. May I see others through the lens of love, just as You see me.
Amen.

The Gift of Listening: How Being Present Reflects Christ’s Heart

Listening opens doors. It builds bridges. It communicates respect, and when people feel respected, they are more willing to listen in return.

Scripture Reading
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” —James 1:19 (NIV)

“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” —Proverbs 18:13 (NIV)

Reflection

Not long ago, I lost a friend because she struggled with the principle of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. She asked for my opinion on a particular subject, but when my response didn’t align with hers, she quickly interrupted, grew angry, belittled me, and ended the friendship altogether. Her words cut deeply, and the loss stung my heart.

Yet, in God’s mercy, He surrounded me with true friends who offered comfort and encouragement. Through their presence and through His Word, I was reminded that listening is one of the greatest gifts we can give.

Had my friend paused long enough to truly hear me, she might have discovered that we actually shared many common beliefs. Instead, her refusal to listen shut the door to understanding and peace.

James 1:19 reminds us that listening is not a passive act; it’s an intentional act of love. When I listen to others, I try to imagine myself in their shoes rather than rushing to form my response. This shift keeps my heart humble and patient. At times, I even pause and count to ten before speaking, so that my words are thoughtful rather than reactive.

I’ve also learned that when I feel anger rising in a conversation, it often springs from pride or selfishness. God gently teaches me to quiet those impulses and listen fully. Many times, when I allow someone to finish their thought, I discover that we’re not as far apart as I first imagined.

Listening opens doors. It builds bridges. It communicates respect, and when people feel respected, they are more willing to listen in return. Being quick to listen and slow to speak reflects Christ’s heart, a heart of patience, compassion, and love. When we live by this principle, our relationships flourish, and God’s blessings flow.

Application

Practice active listening this week. When someone speaks, resist the urge to interrupt or formulate your reply too quickly. Instead, focus on their words and emotions. Try counting to ten before responding, and ask God to help you hear with both your ears and your heart.

Reflection Question

When was the last time I listened with patience and understanding rather than rushing to respond? How might my relationships change if I practiced being quick to listen and slow to speak?

Prayer

Lord, teach me to listen with Your heart. Help me to slow down, set aside pride, and truly hear the people around me. May my listening reflect Your love and open the way for deeper understanding and peace. Amen.

Choosing Love Over Judgment in Daily Interactions

In today’s world, kindness seems to be losing its place. But Scripture reminds us that love is patient and kind, and judgment belongs only to God.

Scripture Reading
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. – Matthew 7:1-2

Reflection
In today’s world, kindness seems to be losing its place. Too often, people choose dismissal over understanding, judgment over compassion, and even celebration over someone else’s downfall. But Scripture reminds us that love is patient and kind, and judgment belongs only to God.

My mother once gave me advice that has stayed with me all my life. She said, “If you truly want to live a righteous life, act as if someone were following you with a camera, ready to post your every action on a billboard.” That simple wisdom made me think carefully about my words and actions, considering how they affect others.

I strive to approach life with authenticity and compassion. Whether in business or personal relationships, I seek a win-win outcome and do my best to see things from the other person’s perspective. This doesn’t mean I tolerate harmful behavior, but it does mean I try to see people as human beings worthy of love, just as God sees us.

I am far from perfect, and I thank God for His mercy. When I repent, He forgives and wipes the slate clean. No one on earth is perfect, and no one has the right to belittle or condemn others for their differences. Only God is the Judge. Our role is to love.

Application
The world will always tempt us to react with judgment, anger, or indifference, but as followers of Christ, we are called to a higher standard. When faced with conflict or differences, pause and consider how your words and actions will reflect God’s love. Choose patience over impatience, compassion over criticism, and understanding over judgment.

When you are tempted to dismiss someone because of their choices, beliefs, or behaviors, remember God sees them, too, and He calls you to love as He loves.

Reflection Question
Am I quicker to judge or to love? How can I show patience, kindness, and understanding in my next interaction with someone who challenges me?

Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for reminding me that love is patient, kind, and free of judgment. Forgive me for the times I have judged others instead of showing Your love. Help me to see people as You see them, with compassion, grace, and truth. Teach me to live with authenticity, choosing words and actions that honor You. May my life reflect Your love so that others are drawn closer to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

“Choose love over judgment, because only God sees the whole story.”

Courage to Be Yourself When the World Pressures You to Conform

Living with integrity may cost us in the short term, but it blesses us in ways the world can never offer. When we refuse to conform to the world and instead let God direct our thinking, we walk in His perfect will.

Scripture Reading

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Standing Firm in Integrity

In business and in life, it’s easy to feel the pressure to do what everyone else is doing. Sometimes that pressure comes in the form of a subtle nudge: “Just bend the truth a little.” Other times, it’s more direct: “If you don’t cut corners, you’ll fall behind.”

I am a real estate broker, and I remember a time early in my career when I faced a moment when I was urged to smooth over the facts in order to make a transaction move forward more quickly. On the surface, it seemed harmless. No one would get hurt, and no one might even notice. But in my spirit, I felt the weight of that decision. Would I conform to the pattern of the world, or would I stand firm in truth?

I chose integrity. The deal didn’t move as fast as others hoped, but God gave me something much more valuable: peace in my heart and the confidence of knowing I had honored Him. Later, I realized He also strengthened my reputation. Clients knew they could trust me because I was unwilling to compromise, even if it meant moving things along more quickly. Cutting out steps in the process would have meant closing the transaction sooner; however, these missed steps had the potential to be an issue in later years.

That’s the beauty of living God’s way. Integrity may cost us in the short term, but it blesses us in ways the world can never offer. Romans 12:2 reminds us that when we refuse to conform and instead let God direct our thinking, we walk in His perfect will.

Reflection Question

Think of a time when you were tempted to compromise your integrity. How did you respond? Looking back, what do you think God wanted to teach you in that moment?

Practical Application

Today, commit to one action that reflects integrity in your work or personal life. It may be as simple as telling the truth in a difficult situation, keeping your word even when it’s inconvenient, or refusing to take an easy shortcut. Trust that God will honor your obedience and strengthen your witness.

Prayer:
Lord, I don’t want to conform to the ways of this world. Help me to stand firm in truth and integrity, even when it costs me something. Renew my mind so that my choices reflect Your will, and let my life be a testimony of honesty that points others to You. Amen.

Learning to Trust God’s Timing in Seasons of Waiting

God’s timing is not always ours. We may feel abandoned, but the truth is, He is preparing us for what’s ahead. Seasons of silence are not signs of rejection; they are times of preparation and growth.

Scripture Reading
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Reflection
Recently, I found myself walking through some of the lowest valleys of my life. At seventy years old, I thought I would have “found” myself by now; surely my purpose would be clear. Instead, I struggled with silence from heaven and the weight of unanswered questions.

I tried harder, worked longer, and sought to prove myself worthy of God’s attention. But instead of fulfillment, I felt emptier than ever. Then, as if silence weren’t enough, I began to lose loved ones, friendships, income, and even peace of mind. My life felt like it was unraveling thread by thread.

In that place of despair, I cried out one more time. Though I still didn’t hear an answer, God met me where I was. At church, during worship, the pastor prayed over me, and for the first time in a long time, I felt joy breaking through the hollow spaces of my heart. Later, a friend reminded me that this season of loss was preparation. God was not taking from me to punish me; He was making room for where He was leading me.

That reminder brought me back to Scripture: to everything there is a season. When we wait on the Lord, even in silence, He promises to renew our strength and lift us on eagle’s wings.

Application
God’s timing is not always ours. We may feel abandoned, but the truth is, He is preparing us for what’s ahead. Seasons of silence are not signs of rejection; they are times of preparation and growth.

Reflection Question
Have you ever felt like God was silent and doubted His timing? How might God be preparing you in this very season?

Prayer
Father, thank You for reminding me that Your timing is perfect, even when I don’t understand it. Help me trust You in the silence, and strengthen me to wait on You with hope. Renew my spirit so that I may walk faithfully into the season You are preparing for me. Amen.

The Power of Gratitude: Finding Joy in Everyday Blessings

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on what’s missing in life? Gratitude has a way of shifting our eyes away from what we lack and fixing them on what God provides.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on what’s missing in life? The goals we haven’t yet reached, the resources we wish we had, or the problems that seem too big to solve. Gratitude has a way of shifting our eyes away from what we lack and fixing them on what God provides. When we choose thankfulness, our perspective changes, and so does our heart.

There was a time I lived without gratitude for the wonderful lifestyle I had. During this time, I lived in one of the largest houses in the neighborhood. It was a five-bedroom, three-bathroom, 2500-square-foot house with a large yard and other fine amenities. Still, I would see houses in what I perceived were more prestigious neighborhoods and wish I had one of those houses.

One day, all that I had was lost. My husband and I lost our jobs on the same day due to what companies were calling at the time, “right-sizing.” The result of this situation is that we suddenly had no income. We ended up losing the house and had to move into a small rental house until we could find jobs and buy a home again. This time, the house we purchased was in what I considered a less prestigious neighborhood. But I was happy and proud of my little house. As I look back at what I used to have, I realize I had more than enough. In fact, I had more than most people could ever imagine having.

It took losing everything to begin to appreciate the little things. I love my new life, and I am grateful for everything God gives me, no matter how small.

Gratitude trains our hearts to see God’s daily goodness.
The truth is, God shows up in our lives every single day. Sometimes it’s in the big, undeniable moments, and other times it’s in the small details: a warm smile from a friend, the beauty of a sunrise, or the peace that comes with prayer. Gratitude opens our eyes to these blessings, reminding us that God’s faithfulness isn’t occasional, it’s constant.

Joy grows when we thank God for even the smallest moments.
The Bible says, in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV), Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Joy isn’t found in perfect conditions but in a heart that chooses to give thanks. When we pause to thank God for the little things, we cultivate joy that no trial can steal. Gratitude is like watering a garden. The more we pour into it, the more it blossoms.

Gratitude draws us closer to peace.
When anxiety and worry press in, gratitude is the antidote. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) tells us, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. The promise is clear: thanksgiving leads to peace. Gratitude is not just a nice thought; it’s a spiritual practice that connects us to the calm assurance that God is in control.

A Closing Nudge
What if you began today with a simple gratitude list? Write down three small things you thank God for right now. It could be the breath in your lungs, the meal you just enjoyed, or the presence of a loved one. As you make gratitude a habit, you’ll begin to see how God is weaving goodness into every part of your life story.

What It Means to Live Authentically Through God’s Eyes

Living authentically is about walking in truth. It means letting go of the pressures of the world, the opinions of others, and the weight of expectations that don’t belong to us.

From the time I can remember, I have felt a deep calling to teach, to encourage, and to help others discover who they truly are in Christ. Recently, that calling took on a new dimension when I completed an intensive program to become a Certified Authenticity Life Coach.

On my very first day of certification, I met with a woman who faced a struggle many of us can relate to, choosing between pleasing others and honoring her own God-given path. She has a servant’s heart, always eager to help, but this time she was torn. Someone wanted her to take on a responsibility that didn’t align with her true calling, and she felt pressured. Her heart said no, but her fear of disappointing others said yes.

That moment reminded me of the truth found in Psalm 139:13 (NKJV):
“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.”

God did not create us by accident. He carefully designed every part of who we are, our bodies, our personalities, our emotions, and even our unique ways of serving others. When we ignore that divine design and allow others to push us away from our true purpose, we step out of alignment with the life God created us to live.

The Holy Spirit whispers to each of us, guiding us toward the purpose that brings glory to God and fulfillment to our souls. Your talents, your passions, and your voice are not random; they are gifts meant to be used authentically.

Jesus said in John 8:32 (NKJV):
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Living authentically is about walking in that truth. It means letting go of the pressures of the world, the opinions of others, and the weight of expectations that don’t belong to us. Instead, we anchor ourselves in the promises of God.

When we choose to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” as we are reminded in Matthew 6:33 (NKJV):
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

…we find a freedom this world cannot give. We discover peace, joy, and fulfillment, not because life is perfect, but because our hearts are aligned with God’s will.

To live authentically through God’s eyes is to live in truth. It’s to accept that He made us intentionally. We are to love ourselves as His creation, and boldly walk in the path He has prepared.

When we do this, life becomes lighter. Our service becomes more meaningful. And our joy? It overflows.

Reflection

Ask yourself today: Am I living the life God designed for me, or am I letting the expectations of others pull me away from His purpose? Remember, authenticity in Christ is not selfish; it is obedience. When you embrace the person God created you to be, you not only walk in freedom, but you also bless others with the unique gifts only you can give.

Prayer

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for creating me with intention and love. Help me to hear Your voice above all others and to walk boldly in the path You have prepared for me. Teach me to live authentically, seeking Your Kingdom first, and trusting that everything I need will be added in Your perfect timing. May my life be a reflection of Your truth and grace.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Destructive Power of Gossip

Gossip not only harms the one being spoken about, but it also damages the heart of the one spreading it.

At first glance, gossip can seem harmless. A whispered conversation here, a casual remark there. It may even feel like a way to bond with others. But gossip is far from innocent. Words spoken in secret often have the power to wound, destroy reputations, and leave people feeling broken and isolated.

The Bible warns us many times about the dangers of gossip. “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28, NIV). What may feel like light talk in the moment can actually sever relationships and plant seeds of distrust that last a lifetime.

Gossip not only harms the one being spoken about, but it also damages the heart of the one spreading it. Jesus reminds us that “everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken” (Matthew 12:36, NIV). Our words are not empty. They carry weight, either building others up or tearing them down.

For those who have been the target of gossip, the pain can run deep. Hurtful words have a way of echoing in our hearts long after they were spoken. But God offers healing. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” If gossip has left you wounded, know that God sees your pain and draws near to comfort you.

As followers of Christ, we are called to a higher standard. Instead of gossiping, we are commanded to use our words for encouragement. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV).

Imagine if, instead of tearing others down with gossip, we chose to speak life into them. Imagine if we guarded our tongues and replaced idle chatter with words of hope, kindness, and truth.

Allow me to distinguish the difference between sharing about others in a private counseling session and sharing about others in a gossiping session. When you share with your counselor, it is not considered gossip. In counseling, your resolve can be significantly enhanced by knowing the details of who you are referring to, as the counselor guides you toward healing and resolution. On the other hand, sharing about others in any other situation would rightfully be considered gossiping.

Sharing about others can even be disguised as helpful when it is, in fact, gossip at its finest. For example, when someone says, “I’m only sharing this with you so you know what to pray for,” that’s not concern, it’s gossip wrapped in spiritual language. Don’t fall into that misconception. Instead, pray for others without needing to reveal their private struggles. God already knows the details.

Today, let us take a moment to reflect:

Are my words drawing people closer to Christ, or are they sowing division?
Do I use conversations to build trust or to spread rumors?
How can I encourage someone today with words that heal rather than words that harm?

Let us commit to being people who speak with love, grace, and integrity. After all, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21, ESV). May we choose life, always.

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, help me to guard my tongue and resist the temptation to gossip. Let my words be filled with grace, encouragement, and truth. Heal those who have been hurt by careless speech, and use me as a vessel of Your love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Forgiving Ourselves: Walking in God’s Grace

When you have repented and asked God for forgiveness, He has already forgiven you. If the Creator of the universe has washed you clean, who are you to keep punishing yourself?

I wrote a blog post titled “Forgiving Ourselves: Embracing Who We Are Today.”

In the above-mentioned post, I share how we should not beat ourselves up because of our past decisions and behaviors. In today’s post, I want to include the same message; however, I want to back it up with sound biblical references.

Friends, as most of us are aware, one of the greatest challenges we face in life is forgiving ourselves. Our past mistakes can feel like chains, holding us back from peace and joy. To make matters harder, some people continue to remind us of who we used to be. They keep pointing to our old failures instead of recognizing the new life God is building within us.

But here’s the truth: in Christ, we are not defined by who we were yesterday; We are renewed, redeemed, and restored today.

God Has Already Forgiven You

The Bible tells us in 1 John 1:9:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

When you have repented and asked God for forgiveness, He has already forgiven you. If the Creator of the universe has washed you clean, who are you to keep punishing yourself? Carrying guilt that God has already lifted is like trying to wear chains He has broken.

Letting Go of the Old Self

Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 5:17:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

Your past is not your prison. Your mistakes do not have the final word. Through Christ, you have been given a new identity. If others cannot see your growth, it does not erase the transformation God has done in you.

Renewing Your Mind

Forgiving ourselves means we stop replaying old regrets and start focusing on the grace of God at work in us now. Romans 12:2 encourages us:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Your mind will try to drag you back to the past, but God calls you to live in the freedom of today. That renewal allows you to see yourself the way He sees you, loved, forgiven, and full of purpose.

Walking in Newness of Life

Every sunrise is a reminder of God’s mercy. Lamentations 3:22-23 says:

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

That means each day is a fresh start. Yesterday’s mistakes don’t define today’s opportunities.

So stop beating yourself up. Stop agreeing with the voices that only remember who you used to be. God has already declared you free.

You are forgiven. You are renewed. You are a new creation in Christ.

And that is what matters most.