Since publishing my book Transformation, I’ve been on a personal mission, one that’s both exciting and a little terrifying, to become the most authentic version of myself. I’ve been journaling the journey, collecting the lessons, and slowly shaping them into my next book, Nurturing the Soul. My hope is that it will one day serve as a gentle light for others walking their own path toward self-acceptance.
The very first step? Deciding I was done pretending.
For years, I wore a mask so seamlessly that even I forgot it was there. I smiled, I served, I poured myself out for others, so much so that I started losing sight of the person underneath the performance. Don’t get me wrong, I value kindness and service deeply. But somewhere along the way, “serving” others became a cover for something else: a fear of letting people down. And when you fear disappointing others, you learn to swallow your own needs… and sometimes even swallow insults.
One type of insult I’ve swallowed more times than I can count is what’s known as the left-handed compliment.
What’s a Left-handed Compliment?
Also called a “backhanded compliment,” it’s a remark that sounds like praise on the surface but is wrapped around a little barb of criticism. It’s a way of smiling at you while simultaneously poking you in the ribs.
It’s passive-aggressive. It’s sly. And it often leaves you wondering, was that supposed to be nice?
The truth is, these kinds of comments are less about lifting you up and more about putting you in your place. And while they might seem harmless to the speaker, they can sting, especially if you’re used to brushing things off in the name of keeping the peace.
So, let’s talk examples.
10 Examples of Left-handed Compliments
- “You do you.”
Translation: I think your choice is weird, but hey, if you want to be wrong, that’s on you. - “Wow, you look great… for your age.”
Translation: You look good, but let’s not forget you’re no spring chicken. - “I could never pull that off, but it works for you.”
Translation: That outfit is questionable, but somehow you manage to survive it. - “You’re so brave to wear something like that.”
Translation: I would never wear that because I think it’s awful. - “You’re actually pretty good at this.”
Translation: I assumed you’d be terrible, but you’ve exceeded my low expectations. - “That haircut makes you look… different.”
Translation: I don’t like it, but I’ll pretend I’m neutral. - “You look so much better than you used to.”
Translation: You were a mess before. - “You’re so confident!”
Translation: I wouldn’t have the nerve to do what you’re doing, because it’s risky (or silly). - “I wish I had the freedom to dress like you do.”
Translation: You clearly don’t care what people think, and maybe you should. - “You’re surprisingly articulate.”
Translation: I didn’t expect you to sound intelligent.
Nurture Your Soul
Learning to spot these backhanded compliments has been one of the most freeing parts of my journey. They no longer slip by unnoticed. And more importantly, I no longer feel the need to laugh them off to avoid making things awkward.
Peeling off the mask isn’t just about being honest with others; it’s about being honest with yourself when something doesn’t feel right.
The more I practice this, the more I realize that nurturing the soul sometimes means pruning away the voices that don’t feed it. And I think that’s a compliment worth giving… and receiving.
Voice of Hope by Marlene 